So, as part of my new job, I’m learning ASP.Net, Microsoft’s latest buzzword “Integrated Web Development Platform”. On a scale of 1-10, it scores roughly negative One Billion.

I am writing this from my office, during office hours, waiting for the single web page (sorry, “Web Form Project File”) to compile so that I can “deploy” it to my browser. I am literally waiting on the machine to think about a simple text file. Meanwhile, here is a list of the Top 5 Things I Hate about “The .Net Framework”.

1. Compiled Web Pages - Web pages are plain text files. No longer. Now, ASP.Net compiles those text files into DLLs, which are what the server really runs when a user requests a page. It’s a freaking text file. Why not just serve the file without generating extra overhead on the server? Oh, because that’s how Apache does it. Sorry.
2. Visual Studio .Net - I want to open a text editor and author a HTML or PHP file. I can’t do that. I need to buy a copy of Visual Studio .Net, create a “Web Project”, register my new web page with the new project, and then write my web page (sorry, MS Web Form Project File). Then I’ll do the hamster dance and wave a dead chicken in the air and if the stars align I can author my simple web page.
3. Project Files - The .Net Framework requires that you use Visual Studio, which requires that you group your files into Projects. The Project File is a text file that keeps track of all of the other files on your website. Any file not listed in the Project File doesn’t exist. It doesn’t matter that the file is on the server and you have 10 old revisions of it in your CVS; if there is no entry in your Project File, the file does not exist.
4. Web Parts — Would you like to create an include file? How about a simple Form? Too bad sucker! You’ve got to first create a “Web Part” or “User Control”, register that puppy with the Project File, and maybe, just maybe, if you wave your arms in the air, everything will work out for you.
5. One Form Per Page - Speaking of forms, in .Net you can only have one Form per page. These geniuses control 95% of the operating system market and 35% of the server market, but I can’t have two form objects on the page!? WTF!